You are probably by now, realize that you require a great overall mindset in order to set and achieve goals. You could create goals with poor self-esteem, however they would be very weak and without any substance. How you think and feel about yourself is extremely important. Let’s take a moment and look at a goal that may have been written by someone with poor self-esteem.
“I’d like to earn $500 dollars more a month, so I can have a little extra left over when I pay my bills.”
In writing a goal with this wording and mindset, the person is laying the ground work for failure. There is really no motivation to really go for it. An extra $500 might allow them to spend a little more at the grocery store or take in a movie or two but how hard would a person with this low self esteem, work to get the $500. In most cases they would give up before even beginning. A person with high self esteem would write something like this.
“I’m going to develop a strategy to earn an extra $2,000 to $3,000 per month, so that I can put money in my savings account and ensure that I make full RRSP contributions this year. I can do this.”
One of the traits of people who self-sabotage their careers and even their personal lives, is that of low self esteem. When self esteem is high, the person is going to avoid situations like excessive drinking or binge eating because they love who they are and don’t want to harm themselves. Being happy with yourself and learning to grow, means your self esteem is on target. If this doesn’t sound like you, then it is time to work on that self esteem.
Building self esteem can start with just five minutes a day and then work up from that.
Take five minutes a day and ask yourself what you appreciate about what you bring to the world. This will give you a burst of happiness, which is like laying the first brick of a new solid foundation. From there, move on to banishing that inner critic. When self help coaches work with people, they will often ask, “does your inner critic have a name and people tend to respond in the affirmative. It is usually the name of someone in their past, who always spoke down to them. Now they have taken that negative talk from that person and transferred it internally. When your inner critic says, “oh you can’t do that Jane,” tell it to hush and go away because you aren’t going to listen anymore. Keep working on dulling that inner critics voice until it can no longer be heard.
In the case of not having a name for your inner critic, then just internally shout, “STOP,” whenever you catch yourself speaking negatively about you or what you are doing.
Keeping a journal is great and so is a little bedside diary. Keep that diary and pencil right beside the alarm clock and just before you go to sleep, jot down three things that you found to appreciate about yourself that day. As your diary grows, then go back and reread the comments you put in and see if they truly are positive. If you find any that may now give you a bit of a negative feeling, cross it out and rewrite it in a positive frame.
Finally consider doing the positive things for you and others.
- Treat yourself to an extra long hot bath.
- Walk the dog for your elderly neighbour.
- Go out of your way to find a kind thing you can do for a stranger. Open doors, assist with putting groceries in someone’s car for them.
- Ask before being asked if you can do something for your child’s school, like reading to kids or lending your expertise for a day to the school.
- Go out of your way to find someone at your workplace that you feel needs a kind word. There is always someone who is having a tough day because of a home or work situation. You don’t have to get involved necessarily but compliment them somehow.
Making yourself feel good and making others feel better about themselves is a wonderful way to build that self esteem up.